Incomplete

I know it didnt went well. Not as what I expected actually. I cant remember the exact date, but it feels like ages to me. Not talking to u is not in my to-do-list. I dont know how to react, I dont know what to say and what to do.

Everyday and every night Im waiting for ur call. Ok, I lied. I dont want u to call me. Just whatsapp me. I still cant talk to u. 

It hurts like hell going tru something like this. I cant talk to anyone. Its like broke up with ur partner, but 50% worst! Atleast when I broke up with someone, I can run to u. and I know no matter what, u will be there for me. u will comfort me with ur words, ur stupid annoying jokes. but when something like this happened, I cant run to anyone. and IF I do, they will be annoyed with what's on my mind. I will just keep on talking bout it again and again without doing anything. But with u, its different . I can talk about my exes 247 and u will listen to it without judging me. 

U are so cool when we met the other day. or maybe cold as well. How did u do that ? teach me. I really need to know. I need to be like u. coz I cant live like this anymore.

From scale 1 - 10 , how much do u hate me?  

letter to you

we have been bestfriend for a very long time. we have been planning things together since then. we have been through ups and downs together. u were the only one who has faith in me when everyone else doesnt. u shld really know me by now. keras kepala ? no im not. i just cant say what i wanted to say out loud. i've replied everything u asked, in my head. by now, u shld know if i say it out loud, i will cry.

no im not mad .

im just disappointed.

Im disappointed things are different now. Im disappointed we dont talk like we used too. Im disappointed u didnt try ur best to make time for me like I did. Im disappointed Im no longer in ur emergency list. Im no longer important to u like I used too. Its a big disappointment .

Dont worry, dont u worry.

The awkward silence is because Im trying to accept the fact that things are different now. The silence is when Im talking to u eventhough u cant hear it. What I wrote today is the answer to ur question. "If things are ok like u said, then what's up with this silence" . This is why. This is the reason behind my silent.

But like I said, dont worry, dont u worry.

It is just me. Like what I always feel. We are 23 yrs old. 5 yrs wiser when we first met. Im a strong girl by now. Strong enough to respect ur answer. Strong enough to respect ur time and most of all strong enough to accept the fact that things between us no longer how it used to be.

Raya my-story

Since the new layout , this is the first time I tulis something . Something yg xde kena mengena , something yg sgt membazirkn masa, and something yg sepatutnya tgh buat asgmnt yg bertimbun -_-' . Dah 4 hari menahan sakit last2 today collapse ! Igtkn kuat sangat diri nih .

Sakit hari nih smpi ponteng 3 CLASS ! sakit harinih smpi tak leh nk jln lansung . Sakit dia lain mcm . Mungkin sbb penat sgt . Mungkin sbb paksa diri slama 4 hari berturut dah. Niat di hati nak tolong org la katanya . Tolong punya tolong , last2 ini makannya. Tengah type nih pun menggigil tangan . Sejuk semacam hari nih. Mungkin sbb hujan seharian . Alhamdullilah .. Tapi dlm sakit2 nih pun smpt masak td. Menenagkan fikiran katanya. Bertambah sakit. Apa pun tak dpt .

 Puasa dah nak dekat. Excited sikit. Raya pun hampir . Bab raya tuh yg tak berapa best. Kabut di buatnya.

Cakap pasal raya , ada benda yg paling aku rindu bila nak raya. Bukan time beli baju baru, bukan time pagi raya, dan jugak bukan time dapat duit raya. Yang paling aku rindu is bila on the way balik Kelantan. Selalunya akn gerak lewat sbb papa akn tido dlu. So bila dah pukul 6pm mcm tuh , kitorg akn lalu kawasan highway yg agk sunyi . Jauh ke depan, rasa mcm jalan tuh tak ada penghujung . Papa drive ngan tenang. Akan nampak org jual lemang tepi highway, tepi bukit bakau . Bau lemang tgh bakar. Bau asap dr lori2 . Aku tak tau mcm mana nk explain bau tuh . Tp everytime terbau benda2 tuh sekarang , mesti aku senyum. Senyum teringat indahnya dunia sebelum ku kenal erti kekejaman manusia. Indahnya dunia sebelum duit jd penghalang segalanya.

 Masa kecik2 dulu asal balik Kelantan je mesti demam panas. Mungkin jalan dia pusing2 kot. Still blh teringat lg kalu demam kt sna je , Che mesti sediakn 1 bekas isi air and kain. Aku akn baring kt ruang tamu n dia akn tlg lap kn kepala aku. Bagi sejuk sikit . Haihh , old times huh .

 Rutin otw balik Kelantan adalah masuk kreta je tido ! Haha . Akan tido sekejap den bgn tgk luar. Kalu dah malam , mata nih akn gatal tgk hutan kiri kanan , gelap. Dok cari benda2 halus. Dulu mana tau dia blh ikut blk . Dulu igtkn kalu TERnampk dlm masa dlm kreta tak pe la , selamat. Kreta laju , dia tak leh kejar. Yang logik lah. Lepas dah bosan tgk xde pape, akn mula tanya papa tak nak benti ke ? Lapar laa. So sesi mencari kedai makan yg bersih dan berselera akn bermula. Dia nih ssh sikit kalu bab2 nih . Jenuh mencari smpi perut aku pun da buat rock show. Last2 jumpa jugak. Padahal mkn biasa je . Kejap je pun. Pelik aku nak jugak cr kedai yg bersih katanya. After perut dah kenyang , mula kn sesi menggemukkn perut . Tido blk until dah nmpk buah manggis besar kt tgh roundabout , dah nmpk quran besar atas tiang2 , time tuh la akn kabut kemas barang2. Dah nak sampai ! :D Bila da smpi , arwah Tok Wan n Che akn ada kt depan pintu . Walaupun time tuh dah pukul 4am , tp drg tetap akn bgn sambut anak cucu drg nih . Yg lain akn tgk terbaring kt ruang tamu tuh . Selalunya family aku plg last yg akn blk . Che akn pegi dapur siap2kn mknn sbb dia tua papa mesti nk mkn punya. Walaupun aku tgh kenyang, tp tetap akn mkn jugak dgn alasan kesian papa mkn srg2 . :p Activity esoknya adalah mencucuk satay ! Masa kecik2, mmg confirm every year mesti ada activity nih. Semua cousin2 akn di paksa untuk buat bulatan besar dan satay kt tengah2. Semua dpt lidi , n kene la cucuk . Tp kalu dah bg kt kitorg je buat keje tuh , benda blh hbs dlm masa sejam , akn jd 2-3 jam la. Dok bersembang , dok mengacau each other je kejenya. Haihh , good old times.






 TAK NAK RAYAAAAAAAAA !! :(

The best history

Crossroads, a musical . it was a success ! 2 weeks or rehearsal , a bunch of maniac was awesome !

ada kt college kadang smpi 12 jam sehari . from 11am until 11pm . pegi class pe suma den dr kul 6.30 smpi mlm , akn ada kt auditorium . starving , tension , freezing , back bone problem , cable problem , laptop crashed .. semua ada . but .. WORTH IT !

well , eventho im just a crew , (my department was called THE GOD) and im the GOD OF SOUND . we , the god , did a great job . AND the most important thing is , THEY really appreciate us . unlike in my previous college . huh . take that bitches ! punya la penat aku kesana , kesini , angkat barang berat2 pe sume , tp suma mcm pantat ! In your fucking face bitch !

i began to fall in love with Performing Arts Guild . (this is so not me, haha.)

BUT , yea there's a but .. I neglected my asgmnts -_-' . was so fucking busy with the theater and what not . so , everyday lepas hbs rehearsal je , akn pegi mkn den blk rumah terus . so now , kena catch up in a full speed blk tuk siapkan semua . hehe











ps : If ada lg theater from PAG , pls do spend ur precious time with us . Its gonna be awesome . i promise :)

truth is , i miss you

why are u in a hurry ?
i just met u.
why are u leaving ?
there's always a little something .

i dreamt of u last night . its so weird . i swear i didnt think of u when i was about to sleep . in my dream , u looked so sad . u looked helpless . i help u even though u left me . but when u are back on the right track , u left me . again . why ?

but that wasnt my main point . i almost cried when i see u are lost , helpless . whats wrong actually ? did anyone hurt ur feeling like u did to me ? did someone hit u with their lies ? did someone left u when u are asleep ? tell me .

(i almost cry now)

i was happy tho when u came to my dream . i admit that i miss u . i think about u alot . but not last night . not the night that everything went well . not the night when i was exhausted . so seriously , whats up with u ?

(i paused for about 30mins , i almost cried . im in the UCSI's library and there's a stranger sit right infront of me. damn)

its been a long time since i dreamt of u . i need to move on . its not because i want to , i have to . it sucks when u are not around . it sucks when i came home and there's no one to sleep with . there's no one who i can turn to when im down . there's no one who will look me in my eyes and tell me that everything's gonna be alright . tell me that they are not worth my tears .

u promised u will always be there for me .
u promised me that u will never leave me alone .
u promised me that it only be the two of us .
until the end of the world .
















how are you ?
how's life ?

with all my heart , i miss u so much .

hye my lil blogy . i miss u so much ! mwah mwah . sorry for neglected u lately . see , im with someone now . so its kinda hard to write something without involving my personal life . its not that i dont want to share , but if its something that hs to do with him , i would keep it safe with me .

but dont worry . im still me . i wont write the whole blog using just one language . thats the power of rojak yo ! haha . im fucking blur and kinda bored right now . still in Uni , waiting for the Performing Arts Guild's meeting at 5pm -_-' . need to write a play for the international women day but i've donr nothing yet ! story line , checked ! laptop , checked ! microsoft word , checked ! but then , that's it ! i dont know how to start , what's the proper format for it . should i include the songs and the dialogue too ? urghhh . this is madness !

last friday sukhbir (the president of PAG) as me why did i join PAG . i said i join this club because i was helping a friend of mine , carmen . i lied . the truth is , i just want to have the feeling of being accepted by ppl here . its been almost a year n i dont have a single friend who i can spend time with . its not about being famous or anything , i just need a friend who i can turn to when i hv difficulty with the subjects and what not . a friend who i can go lunch with . a friend that will study together for our finals . gahhhhh . ok now i sounds desperate attention whore . damn girl

actually , i do have a topic for my blog today but as i continue writing with my meaningless stories , it disappear . vanish . pufff .

eh wait . what happen to bahasa rojak ? damn u ucsi . damn u . (ok , takde kena mengena pun).
dr atas nih boleh nmpk tangki air yg sgt besar . boleh nmpk air dia . rs mcm nk terjun je . aiyak . need to sleep a.s.a.p . but then ,tak brapa nak sanggup tuk redah jem hrnih . so akn ku melepakkan diri di salah satu kedai sambil buat asgmnt and dinner . grrrr . duit melayang lg .

dok mengarut kt sini tgk2 lg 30 minit je lg meeting . tp drg confirm akn dtg lmbt . tp better pegi now . nak gie refill air lg . but no worries my darling . will get back to u as soon as possible . mwah mwahhhhx 1